Update from last post

The last post was actually written months ago. I'm back to loving white men. The whiter, the better.

Are white men bad lovers?

Now, before you go all racist on me, understand that the last four men I have dated have been white. Very very Irish and/or Polish white. That's quite white. But before that, I dated a Dominican. Some time prior to that- high school actually- I dated a Pakistani guy for three months. It only lasted three months because we didn't see each other the last two, but that is beyond the point. So after a three year hiatus from men of color, interjected by the occasional making out or fling that lasts a few weeks at most, I have rediscovered....NOT SUPER WHITE men. NSW will be the term I use to describe "men of color", because I am not fully comfortable calling them "men of color". It sounds like something you pick out of a catalog or a type of flower or a gay musical band (men of color...colorful men...you don't see it?!). Back to NSW.

A good friend of mine is also very white. Female, redhead naturally, but very white. Gorgeous, thin, intelligent very white girl who loves "brown men" (that is her term for it). We got along well, because I would immediately know what men she was making eyes at, and she would let me have the rest. All the super white men that roam the grounds of University of Virginia (trust me there are a lot). After accounting for the white men and the Asian men (neither of our types), there aren't a lot of "brown men" left. However, between our combined experience with men, a lot of men, many different kinds of men, I feel that we have some type of expertise. In fact, if I could get a degree in men, I would have gotten my PhD by now.

So what makes the NSW better in bed? We are assuming all other things have been kept constant. Okay, upon closer there was one standout. The man who was in love with a stripper. Yes, I dated a man (okay, dating was not official but with more than half our classes together, 2 study groups, a mutual friend group/drinking buddies, I think I can count it as dating). Irrelevant. Point is, he was good. Really good. He figured out things about my body that my last boyfriend, the one I had been in love with, couldn't in 7 months. He did that in the first few weeks. He had the blessing of the totally slutty first girlfriend who obviously knew how to move certain body parts in certain ways and must have trained him to know where important things (spots) were located. By the way, I think as a public service all women should teach their boyfriends and lovers where certain things are located, if not just for ourselves, but for womenkind in general. The technical skills expertise obviously set him apart, so he shall be excluded for our observations.

NSW put care into what they are doing. This starts with greater effort, but carries forth to the execution part too. These are guys who learned, who were taught, to appreciate women. They appreciate very single body part of the female and aren't afraid of saying "you look amazing" in bed. The white male ideal of masculinity makes it hard for a guy to say the words "you look amazing" or even concentrate on a girl in a bed- it's all about them. I'm sure most women don't notice, or just assume it's their fault. But after a very very amazing New Years where I discovered that I have been dating (and sleeping with) all the wrong men, I realized that I have to wait for the one that makes me feel wonderful, clothes on or off.

Do we all have types?

There came a point my senior year of college when I realized that I had "a type". This was quite the shocker since before college, actually since before I transferred to the college I ended up graduating from, I had dated a white guy, a guy from Asia (technically Indian subcontinent), and a guy from the Caribbean (hispanic though technically). I think that's more races than most people date in a lifetime.

I'm not sure what happened then. I started attending a university where the white people live on one side of campus (near the social scene and bars) and the minorities live on another side of campus (near classes). I'm not being racist or over-generalizing here, that's just the way things were. I ended up with the white people.

Two years later, I realized that the last three guys I had seriously dated had been between 6'1 and 6'2, 165 - 175 lbs, brown hair, green eyes. When I realized this, I freaked out. So, the next two guys I liked "turned out to be" 5'10. The only guy I've dated since the realization was also fatter. Yay for branching out. Since then I've also given a middle-eastern guy a try (yes, the men in my life is like a United Colors of Benetton ad)

Now that I'm trying this "online dating website" thing, I am wondering how closely I should stick to my type. I like to say that I know what I'm looking for, and I think I do. But, clearly, my "type" hasn't worked out in the past. I almost want to give blondes, chubsters, and other larger dudes with tattoos and facial hair a chance...but the econ major in me makes me think that might be inefficient. I'm still trying to figure it out.

Is it bad that...

I think of everything in sports metaphors.

For example, earlier today I was thinking about how my heart is currently unsigned (like, hasn't been picked up by a team yet).

FML.

Crazy little world of online dating

My 5 days on a certain online dating site has taught me that I am probably not the type who succeeds at online dating.

I'm far too awkward at talking to people. In general. Especially when sober.

First semi-creepy email

From a dude named Bjorn. Sounds too much like Bjork for me to be able to take him seriously:

Hey there fa5u,

I emailed you a week or so ago but I haven't
heard anything back yet....

I thought perhaps you met a really nice gentleman that's about 35 years old and has a thick beard, which he has braided into three parts. :) Or, maybe you were abducted by killer robots?

Well I figured I'd email you one last time.

After I read your profile I got the impression that
you seemed like you were a cool chick (Could
I be wrong?)

If you're looking to meet someone then I
think it would be really foolish for both of
us if we never spoke at least ONE time.

For someone who claims to like adventure like you do, realize that I'm 26 years old, travel more than anyone my age that I know, and give a really ridiculous back rub (you have to get on my good side for that part though).

If you are interested, let's meet for a drink this week...perhaps Wednesday? :)

Bjorn



The nicest response I could come up with on the fly:

Hey,

Sorry I haven't responded to you. I'm not actually in Minnesota yet - I'm moving there in a few weeks. You seem very self-confident, and that's great, but I like guys who are slightly less confident and forward.

Good luck with match.com!





I join match.com. Hilarity ensues.

I have a partner in crime

I'm helping my future roommate TL, who I have yet to meet, sign up for match.com also as a joke. I was going to make it my future goal to try to convince him to sign up for my amusement, but he didn't need any coercion at all!

Since he's currently failing to make his own profile based on frustration over "sounding like a tool", I came up with a surefire formula for creating that perfect profile:

say "I am a ......(insert 3 adjectives to describe yourself)

"Friends say I am (2 more)"

"In my free time I like to ...."

"I like to ..(describe all the outdoorsey/workoutish stuff you like to do)"

"(Insert cliche philosophy on life)"

Really, it's not that complicated. Just avoid sounding like a pussy, lazy, a douchebag, a toolbag, someone looking for a second hookup because their girlfriend and FB#1 bores them, lame, unconfident, or boring. Or creepy. Or desperate. DO NOT appear creepy or desperate.

So, I just joined online dating websites...

Out of boredom and because I was with Beth. This kinda thing always happens.

Update: Just joined match.com. I have about 20 emails I have gotten in the past 2 days.

There is a huge difference between the messages of the cute guys and the ones from the normal/uglies. It's like they're writing a thesis and want to know everything about me because I'm its topic or something. Actually, the number of words in the first email decreases by how hot the guy thinks he is. So strange.

Another thing: grammar is super important in the first email. Many people fail to realize this. Know the difference between you're and your. "Your beautiful" just sounds awkward.

My first real world apartment!

I have put in a deposit for my first real life apartment. This also means I've found myself a roommate (in itself, a rather frustrating and stressful process). Yes, it's somewhat official, I'm moving to Minneapolis!

About the roommate: His name is Tyler. So far he sounds like a wet dream of a roommate. I haven't met his met, but I've had a rudimentary background check done by talking to a mutual friend on Facebook. He builds things out of wood- he's a carpenter of sorts, though officially he works at an advertising agency. He also likes to go dumpster diving for things he can fix up and he even decoupages!! He's laid back and funny and likes "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia". He also gave me full control of decorating the common area. Yay!

About the apartment: Dirt cheap. Great location. I would have to share a bathroom with Tyler (should be a "learning experience" if nothing else), but basically the bathroom is what makes the apartment $300 less than the same apartment in the same building with the same amenities. So, I bit the bullet and signed up for it.

The big room to left would be my room. Yes, that is a fantastically large size and not only will I be able to fit my big bed, but I could probably also fit a small couch, desk, and dressing area. I could technically fit two rooms in there if I really wanted to. Additionally, I can apparently get to have the hallway closet too. Woohoo! I'll be paying slightly more for the bigger room, access to bathroom, and hallway closet, but it's nothing to break the bank and TOTALLY worth it. Also, the kitchen has been renovated recently so the appliances are basically new.

So, for $525/month for me, I'll get that giant room, an indoor pool, gym, hottub, sauna, basketball court, tennis court, and heat and A/C paid for.
At a time when quite a few of my good friends are buying their first house (flat in the case of my friend Rob in London), this may not seem as big of a deal, but I'm VERY excited!

Do I have to do an introduction?

I believe in things have an order to them, not necessarily in my life or my bedroom, but with prose of any kind. I was the kid who learned the 5 paragraph writing prompt format and took 3 years to not put a quote as the opener. I had a teacher who really disliked this apparently unimaginative way of beginning papers. I never tried "fiction" writing.

This is why I have an introduction. I don't know how to phrase the introduction and probably will not give a good overview of myself but I gotta have the order to things. This will be the last thing you read that makes any sense to you.

I originally wanted the blog name to be "Unwittybanter". However, the title of unwitty banter was taken up by some girl who actually had very unwitty and super boring banter. How unfortunate.