I hate this time of the year because of the TV commercials, and due to my newfound job-less status, I am seeing more commercials than ever. All the commercials are about losing weight or finding love, which makes me feel terrible and single as I sat on the couch scarfing down ice-cream. I should be relishing the fact that the super bowl is 3 days away and my team is there for the first time, or that it's basketball season and Kentucky is good for the first time in forever (yeah, I've liked them for years now, not sure why). Instead, I'm caught up on the fact that I will be single on Valentine's Day, again.
I have never had a boyfriend on Valentine's Day. I am not even sure what having a boyfriend for V-Day means. I'm assuming it means flowers or chocolates or hyped up dinner reservations. For some reason, for me relationship season is between September and December. Almost all my relationships have an expiration date in December, whether it be due to a change in colleges or pressure from the holiday season who knows.
The good part about being single on Valentines Day is the following: as a male, it's cheaper. As a female, there's less pressure. You get to choose who to go home with. Two years ago I did sake bombing with my girls. Last year I went to Das Klub III (UVA law school's Feb Club annual Euro Trash party). It's far better being single than having a significant other who I considered "okay" at best. It would be great to have a guy to spend time with on VD, even if that's staying in and watching a basketball game on the couch and giggling and stealing kisses, but that's an ideal day for me no matter what, and I don't think we need a Hallmark holiday to get those kinds of magical days/dates.
I think what I'm trying to say is, it's okay to be single for Valentines Day. Much better than settling for someone you don't want to spend $100 for dinner and flowers for or spreading your legs for and wondering whats on your todo list for the day while someone is in between. Settling is worse than being alone.
I just got asked by an old friend who's currently traveling around for me to join in traveling around South America this fall. I asked her what I should plan on needing should I choose to join her. Her response (and I quote): passport, visas, $$$$, condoms.
You see, that's the fabulous life of a girl single, unemployed, and with everything to look forward to in the future and no restrictions. With any luck, come September I'll either choose to stay in New Orleans because of love: for my job and the city, or for a man and the city, or travel around like a vagabond without a care in the world. Either option seems pretty freaking fantastic.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
An ode to J.D.Salinger
J.D.Salinger, a gifted, poetically crass American author well-known for "The Catcher in the Rye" passed away today. That was one of my favorite books I read in high school, though I could not quite put my finger on why. I think it is his honest realistic depiction of teen angst, life angst, and what may as well have been a mid-life crisis.
I think it is only apt for me to throw in a Salinger quote to start off blogging in the new year.
"What I was really hanging around for, I was trying to feel some kind of a good-by. I mean I've left schools and places I didn't even know I was leaving them. I hate that. I don't care if it's a sad good-by or a bad good-by, but when I leave a place I like to know I'm leaving it. If you don't, you feel even worse." - The Catcher in the Rye
or two....
"I don't even know what I was running for - I guess I just felt like it."
The Catcher in the Rye
The first one I like because I hate goodbyes. I just packed up my place in Minneapolis (yes, short stint indeed) and realized what I am so terrible at packing. Well, first off its because I have a short attention span and can't focus on getting done parts of a room at a time. But more importantly, I really hate goodbyes and leaving somewhere. Although Minnesota was easier to leave than most places I have lived, there were still people there I wish I didn't have to say bye to, but that's life. Leaving people behind is kind of what I've been doing for years now.
Which leads to quote number 2, a bit of a good description of the way I was feeling a few days ago. I feel slightly home-less, slightly goal-less, and therefore, slightly dream-less as of late. I want to say it will get better when I settle down, but I may not settle down for another year, if that. In a year I could be in New Orleans, NYC, Washington DC, California, or just about any other semi-warm semi-large city in the country. That kind of uncertainty is scary, because it brings me back to the way I was post-Katrina: unsure of where I'd be, where I'd be graduating from, what I planned on doing. Hopefully I'll have my feet on more solid ground in a year
I think it is only apt for me to throw in a Salinger quote to start off blogging in the new year.
"What I was really hanging around for, I was trying to feel some kind of a good-by. I mean I've left schools and places I didn't even know I was leaving them. I hate that. I don't care if it's a sad good-by or a bad good-by, but when I leave a place I like to know I'm leaving it. If you don't, you feel even worse." - The Catcher in the Rye
or two....
"I don't even know what I was running for - I guess I just felt like it."
The Catcher in the Rye
The first one I like because I hate goodbyes. I just packed up my place in Minneapolis (yes, short stint indeed) and realized what I am so terrible at packing. Well, first off its because I have a short attention span and can't focus on getting done parts of a room at a time. But more importantly, I really hate goodbyes and leaving somewhere. Although Minnesota was easier to leave than most places I have lived, there were still people there I wish I didn't have to say bye to, but that's life. Leaving people behind is kind of what I've been doing for years now.
Which leads to quote number 2, a bit of a good description of the way I was feeling a few days ago. I feel slightly home-less, slightly goal-less, and therefore, slightly dream-less as of late. I want to say it will get better when I settle down, but I may not settle down for another year, if that. In a year I could be in New Orleans, NYC, Washington DC, California, or just about any other semi-warm semi-large city in the country. That kind of uncertainty is scary, because it brings me back to the way I was post-Katrina: unsure of where I'd be, where I'd be graduating from, what I planned on doing. Hopefully I'll have my feet on more solid ground in a year
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Are men getting sketchier, or have I just started paying attention?
The other night I found myself chatting on Facebook chat with an ex boyfriend and a former mini-fling. I stopped the mini-fling when I found out that he had a girlfriend. Both wanted to "see me" whenever I was in town. Both have serious girlfriends.
Last night I heard a story about a guy who I considered a good guy, even "marriage material" because he seemed non-sketchy. In fact, he'd had sex with 2 girls by the time he graduated from college. No drugs. Close to family. No criminal record. Recently however, he did E, with a girl who his roommate from college of 3 years (and good friend) really likes. That's two faux pas: crazy drug use, and potentially doing sketchy things with a good friend's crush.
When I was in China studying abroad, my roommate got "very close" to another guy studying abroad with us, who had been with his girl friend for 3 years. He was necking my roommate on the dance floor while his girl friend was back home probably missing him a lot. He was also one of my favorite classmates and one of the least likely to cheat, or so I thought.
Have the character of people dropped like the value of our 401K?
Everywhere I look there are guys of all types: the nice guy, the guy next door, the guy who should be old enough to know better, the successful guys, the ones who behaved in college....who are commiting major relationship faux-pas with friends and significant others. Lying is bad, but lying to the degree that I have seen recently is absolutely abhorrant.
I have read that cheating is fairly prevalent, but seeing these real life examples of men who should be trust-worthy try to cheat on their mediocre to fabulous girlfriends makes me wonder if I even want to be in a relationship.
Ironically, people are getting sketchier as my own sketchiness has dropped off into "normal" to "boring" territory haha. I have always thought that people get less sketchy and less morally "grey" as they get older, but what I am seeing clearly contradicts this. Whether you want to blame the economy, Obama's healthcare plan, the crazy republicans, El Nino, or young people and their rap music, something is clearly amiss.
Last night I heard a story about a guy who I considered a good guy, even "marriage material" because he seemed non-sketchy. In fact, he'd had sex with 2 girls by the time he graduated from college. No drugs. Close to family. No criminal record. Recently however, he did E, with a girl who his roommate from college of 3 years (and good friend) really likes. That's two faux pas: crazy drug use, and potentially doing sketchy things with a good friend's crush.
When I was in China studying abroad, my roommate got "very close" to another guy studying abroad with us, who had been with his girl friend for 3 years. He was necking my roommate on the dance floor while his girl friend was back home probably missing him a lot. He was also one of my favorite classmates and one of the least likely to cheat, or so I thought.
Have the character of people dropped like the value of our 401K?
Everywhere I look there are guys of all types: the nice guy, the guy next door, the guy who should be old enough to know better, the successful guys, the ones who behaved in college....who are commiting major relationship faux-pas with friends and significant others. Lying is bad, but lying to the degree that I have seen recently is absolutely abhorrant.
I have read that cheating is fairly prevalent, but seeing these real life examples of men who should be trust-worthy try to cheat on their mediocre to fabulous girlfriends makes me wonder if I even want to be in a relationship.
Ironically, people are getting sketchier as my own sketchiness has dropped off into "normal" to "boring" territory haha. I have always thought that people get less sketchy and less morally "grey" as they get older, but what I am seeing clearly contradicts this. Whether you want to blame the economy, Obama's healthcare plan, the crazy republicans, El Nino, or young people and their rap music, something is clearly amiss.
Friday, September 4, 2009
The Dark Side of Education
Student Loans.
Currently my student loans are only about 50% higher than what the average person in the US makes per year. Somehow this ends up equaling a repayment amount higher than my monthly rent if I go with the longer 30 year repayment option. It's about $1000 per month if I go with the standard 10 year loan period.
Are you kidding me???
For that amount of money I could spend a week in the Caribbean every month, buy a pair of Louboutin shoes every month, get an apartment twice the size of my current apartment, be a sugar mamma to a struggling model/actor, go to Vegas once a month and gamble profusely, support a small midget population living in my larger closet in my larger apartment...the list goes on.
I am not happy about this loan payment business.
Currently my student loans are only about 50% higher than what the average person in the US makes per year. Somehow this ends up equaling a repayment amount higher than my monthly rent if I go with the longer 30 year repayment option. It's about $1000 per month if I go with the standard 10 year loan period.
Are you kidding me???
For that amount of money I could spend a week in the Caribbean every month, buy a pair of Louboutin shoes every month, get an apartment twice the size of my current apartment, be a sugar mamma to a struggling model/actor, go to Vegas once a month and gamble profusely, support a small midget population living in my larger closet in my larger apartment...the list goes on.
I am not happy about this loan payment business.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
If you are reading this...
Please comment! It makes me feel loved and like someone cares about my rantings haha.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
The "Douche- Pheromone"
I'm done with match.com. Or that's what I thought. Now that I'm almost at the end of my match.com free trial, a cute guy winked at me. The last 4 winks (the match.com equivalent of a Facebook poke) have been from men who are over 30 (47, 34, 47, and 42 years old respectively), some divorced, mostly old and creepy.
So, cute guy winks at me, and I think I have 16 minutes (until my free trial runs out) to send him an email explaining that I don't live in MN yet, that I think he's cute, and give him a good reason to show me around town because I'm new. I have no good reasons so I just ask if he'd want to do that and leave my email.
I go back to actually take a look at his profile (yes, I wanted to hang out with him based simply on his pictures -- though I did let him slide for being shorter than my usual type--I think that makes me only semi-shallow and certainly improving). I think I'd picked up that he did some type of banking just based on his one picture and the use of the word "rich portfolio of experiences".
For some reason any use of the word portfolio is sexy to me. Then again so are the words "800 SAT math score". I feel that most girls go with words such as "gentleman" "work out often" and "romantic".
For some reason I think the word romantic = pussy. My best friend said that although I pretend like I want romance (e.g. showing up to my apartment and finding it covered in rose petals and candles), what I really want is to show up to my apartment and find my guy there holding a drink for me with the TV already tuned in to watch the game.
Back to what I call the Douche-Pheromone. This is specifically about the investment banker douche- not the Jersey trash douche. I believe you can spot an investment banker from a mile away.
What exactly is the Douche-Pheromone? it is technically a scent, but highlighted in their appearance as well. Button-down shirt, expensive jeans, sportscoat on top, perfectly placed hair, and confidently smug smile. I'm attracted to that confidence, that suave...that thing that every other girl wants too. These guys have women falling all over themselves trying to get with them, and therefore never want to choose, settle down, be loyal, or not be a douchebag in general.
The new match.com guy seems to have some promise though. He started out by calling me "Reina" because I wouldn't give him my real name. The cuteness was of course a turnoff. We ended up having a good conversation. I found out he works in ecommerce, so not even close to banking. He seemed nice. And put together. And good looking. Here's to hoping I wasn't just attracted to his secret "Douche-Pheromone".
So, cute guy winks at me, and I think I have 16 minutes (until my free trial runs out) to send him an email explaining that I don't live in MN yet, that I think he's cute, and give him a good reason to show me around town because I'm new. I have no good reasons so I just ask if he'd want to do that and leave my email.
I go back to actually take a look at his profile (yes, I wanted to hang out with him based simply on his pictures -- though I did let him slide for being shorter than my usual type--I think that makes me only semi-shallow and certainly improving). I think I'd picked up that he did some type of banking just based on his one picture and the use of the word "rich portfolio of experiences".
For some reason any use of the word portfolio is sexy to me. Then again so are the words "800 SAT math score". I feel that most girls go with words such as "gentleman" "work out often" and "romantic".
For some reason I think the word romantic = pussy. My best friend said that although I pretend like I want romance (e.g. showing up to my apartment and finding it covered in rose petals and candles), what I really want is to show up to my apartment and find my guy there holding a drink for me with the TV already tuned in to watch the game.
Back to what I call the Douche-Pheromone. This is specifically about the investment banker douche- not the Jersey trash douche. I believe you can spot an investment banker from a mile away.
What exactly is the Douche-Pheromone? it is technically a scent, but highlighted in their appearance as well. Button-down shirt, expensive jeans, sportscoat on top, perfectly placed hair, and confidently smug smile. I'm attracted to that confidence, that suave...that thing that every other girl wants too. These guys have women falling all over themselves trying to get with them, and therefore never want to choose, settle down, be loyal, or not be a douchebag in general.
The new match.com guy seems to have some promise though. He started out by calling me "Reina" because I wouldn't give him my real name. The cuteness was of course a turnoff. We ended up having a good conversation. I found out he works in ecommerce, so not even close to banking. He seemed nice. And put together. And good looking. Here's to hoping I wasn't just attracted to his secret "Douche-Pheromone".
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
About the fish and the sea
The match.com experiment has ended, for now.
My roommate-to-be in 8 days pointed out, "the cool girls are not that cute". Though the "many fish in the sea" metaphor seems great and all, I don't think there are that many date-able guys "in the sea". Actually I've put the number of dateable people closer to 8% (total guesstimate). And that does not even take physical attraction and similar interests into account. There just are not that many attractive people in this world in general. I think the college pool was skewed.
Part of my problem is that I just have a very specific type that can't be determined by anything on an online dating profile. I feel that if I had run into any of the guys I liked on an online dating site, I would have immediately found something to dismiss them without thinking twice. For starters, most of the guys I've had an intense connection with weren't my physical type when we first met. Then there's the nitpicking. Facial hair, tattoos, balding head, works too much, in love with strippers, (unfortunately theres TWO guys I've dated who fall into this category-- should I be concerned?), too short, does not go to a reputable university or even a non-community college university, and the list goes on. Okay, not all of these are characteristics of men I have dated in the past, but I thought I would sprinkle in some of my non-negotiable would-never-date em traits so guys of my past who may discover this blog won't know which ones are legit.
It's hard to label the type of chemistry that makes two people fall head over heels for each other, blow off friends, life, forget what time of day it is and just live in a constant state of blissful floating (you know what I'm talking about). I think it's almost impossible to try to figure out who gives us these "feelings" because we all inevitably always choose the wrong person.
Take the "Tale of the Two Nicks" for example.
I had a friend, who shall remain unnamed, who was seeing a guy named Nick (let's refer to him as Nick 1). Nick 1 was far from "ideal". In fact he was young, with a record, working in a gay club, skateboarding by day, hanging out with 'the bad kids in town' and in general was from the other side of the tracks. He was also remarkably honest, charismatic, sweet-natured, and good - looking in a could-be-in-a-early-2000s-boyband kinda way. He was not in college, worked odd jobs, didn't have a car, and once was homeless.
Then there was Nick 2. About to graduate from UVA Law. Great manners. Well versed in food and wine. Tall. Handsome. Lived in a swanky apartment downtown.
Guess which one my friend chose?
This isn't just the story of Two Nicks. This is the story of all of us. How many of us who don't have the constant "need" to be in a relationship actually end up with the guy who's good on paper? What about the guy who'll treat us right? Hell, what about the guy who actually likes us?
A part of me, for once, wants to end up with the guy who likes me, who is good on paper, takes me out and wines and dines me. I'm not sure if I am mature enough for that yet. I think I'd rather take my chances on the guys that make me forget what day of the week it is. The one who makes me stay in bed while on the beaches of Southern Thailand because I'd rather lie there with him discussing absolutely nothing important. I think that's a problem most women have. We care to much about the sensual pleasures (pleasure of the senses). We want to "feel" that certain way. We want the romance. We want to dream about the life we may never have.
I would personally just rather not settle. A close friend once said that he did not see me as having a serious boyfriend until I was 30, and he was much older. Though I don't believe that to be true, dating just for the sake of dating is not my cup of tea.
And for that, I bid online dating adieu.
For now.
My roommate-to-be in 8 days pointed out, "the cool girls are not that cute". Though the "many fish in the sea" metaphor seems great and all, I don't think there are that many date-able guys "in the sea". Actually I've put the number of dateable people closer to 8% (total guesstimate). And that does not even take physical attraction and similar interests into account. There just are not that many attractive people in this world in general. I think the college pool was skewed.
Part of my problem is that I just have a very specific type that can't be determined by anything on an online dating profile. I feel that if I had run into any of the guys I liked on an online dating site, I would have immediately found something to dismiss them without thinking twice. For starters, most of the guys I've had an intense connection with weren't my physical type when we first met. Then there's the nitpicking. Facial hair, tattoos, balding head, works too much, in love with strippers, (unfortunately theres TWO guys I've dated who fall into this category-- should I be concerned?), too short, does not go to a reputable university or even a non-community college university, and the list goes on. Okay, not all of these are characteristics of men I have dated in the past, but I thought I would sprinkle in some of my non-negotiable would-never-date em traits so guys of my past who may discover this blog won't know which ones are legit.
It's hard to label the type of chemistry that makes two people fall head over heels for each other, blow off friends, life, forget what time of day it is and just live in a constant state of blissful floating (you know what I'm talking about). I think it's almost impossible to try to figure out who gives us these "feelings" because we all inevitably always choose the wrong person.
Take the "Tale of the Two Nicks" for example.
I had a friend, who shall remain unnamed, who was seeing a guy named Nick (let's refer to him as Nick 1). Nick 1 was far from "ideal". In fact he was young, with a record, working in a gay club, skateboarding by day, hanging out with 'the bad kids in town' and in general was from the other side of the tracks. He was also remarkably honest, charismatic, sweet-natured, and good - looking in a could-be-in-a-early-2000s-boyband kinda way. He was not in college, worked odd jobs, didn't have a car, and once was homeless.
Then there was Nick 2. About to graduate from UVA Law. Great manners. Well versed in food and wine. Tall. Handsome. Lived in a swanky apartment downtown.
Guess which one my friend chose?
This isn't just the story of Two Nicks. This is the story of all of us. How many of us who don't have the constant "need" to be in a relationship actually end up with the guy who's good on paper? What about the guy who'll treat us right? Hell, what about the guy who actually likes us?
A part of me, for once, wants to end up with the guy who likes me, who is good on paper, takes me out and wines and dines me. I'm not sure if I am mature enough for that yet. I think I'd rather take my chances on the guys that make me forget what day of the week it is. The one who makes me stay in bed while on the beaches of Southern Thailand because I'd rather lie there with him discussing absolutely nothing important. I think that's a problem most women have. We care to much about the sensual pleasures (pleasure of the senses). We want to "feel" that certain way. We want the romance. We want to dream about the life we may never have.
I would personally just rather not settle. A close friend once said that he did not see me as having a serious boyfriend until I was 30, and he was much older. Though I don't believe that to be true, dating just for the sake of dating is not my cup of tea.
And for that, I bid online dating adieu.
For now.
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